habitually probing generalist

I’m having a difficult time finding a story that I’ll be able to make it through for next week.  I’m trying to pick something very close to the bone personally but I need to be able to get through it emotionally.  It doesn’t seem as if I’m ready to do this in a group this size, even though I do trust it as a community.

The things that are less questionable about making it through still touch a raw nerve, but they’re real short.  I don’t really care, but it does make me feel a little like a slacker.  I know that is a ridiculous voice as long as I’m picking the story for the message and feeling that I want to convey which I am, and not because it is short. I really want to say something about my son’s and my Army time, or at least something related to a problem of war (and there are many).  I have various places from which to piece it together as I have been trying to tell various parts for a long time now.

So, first, there is the construction, the re-telling, production of narrative structure to support the message, the reason for telling it.  Then there is the question of how very close I can take it with this audience.  The first step is so critical because I am still learning to tell them to myself.  The second because I have to be able to tell it.

Evening update:  I have adapted a letter that has been read by only one other person; I have discussed it with only a few very special people.  So the construction phase is complete.  Can I get through it?  Not yet.