Dolphin :1: resonance

Dolphin – Poe (Hello, © 1995)

There’s a broken beam inside of the big big bridge
I guess that whole thing is caving in
Maybe it is time I learn how to swim
I’ll be a dolphin

Sometimes I think I’m breaking down
And other times I think that I’m fine
But something got into my engine / It slowed me down
Now I got to turn this whole thing around
I’m gonna be a dolphin

There’s not a lot I believe anymore 
I mistrust everything that I’m longing for
There’s not a lot that I know anymore
But I know if a good bridge is burning
You gotta be a dolphin

Sometimes I think you’re crazy and sick
And other times I think you’re so fine
But I know I’m in danger ’cause you feel like a stranger
And I know that something’s going to give

When I dive into that ocean
God I hope I don’t sink like a stone-no
I’m gonna move like a dolphin

There may be alot I don’t know about you
But I know if I don’t swim / I’m already drowning
‘Cause a broken bridge / Is a broken bridge
So I swim to you now
Here I come
Gotta be a dolphin

There’s a broken beam inside of the big big bridge
I guess at this time I’ll have to swim
I’ll swim

This is a much better metaphor & vision for life.  Dolphins are such intelligent yet playful creatures.

This song is the motivation, and part of the explanation, for the tattoo (4th) I got for myself for my birthday in 2001.

A new millennium…  Jan & Feb 2001 song 11 of 14.
Katie  Songs to help you get through the day 3 – 9 Sep 01 song 1 of 20


All of the above are the original liner notes for this song.  I
should say they are original to (one of) the compilation CD(s) they
appeared on.  This won’t hold for the last few that appeared here for
the 1st time of course.  The last two lines list the compilation CDs
that this song appeared on.  These were both pretty upbeat discs,
especially Katie, since that was its purpose.

I will try to stay to this format for the rest of the songs.
Everything above the horizontal rule will be ‘original’ notes with
additional comments under it.  This presents a problem though the
further along I go because some entries have only minimal entries or
comments that I intend to change.  I will try to be clear where I can,
but the distinction may not be all that critical.

This lead off because it was on the earliest compilation that I
reached back to, but more importantly, because it was a very positive
way to refocus my metaphor for life at the time.  And if you are really
goingto get to know me you ought to know about the song that inspired
me to get a tattoo.

 

Compilations feeding into resonance

A new
millennium…
Jan & Feb 2001
mrl-008 For me alone

Valentine’s Day 2001
mrl-007 10 of my favorite local ladies

Hope, Belief, Desire
how do you want to be?
Late Feb  → Mar 2001
mrl-009 For me, gave to 3 others

Millennium 2.2
Undercurrents
Mar 4 – 9, 2001
mrl-010 For me alone

168 Hours…
(of thunderstorms & a Full Moon)
April 1 – 7, 2001
mrl-011 For me alone

sadness &
desire…
Apr 13 – 30, 2001
mrl-013 For me alone

Graduation ?
Apr 30 – May 23, 2001
mrl-014 For me alone

Millennium 7
23 May – 17 July 2001
mrl-015 For me alone

Friendships ¥
Beginnings and Endings
17 July 2001–4 Dec 2001
mrl-017 For me, & then for Christmas 2001 but only 1 delivered

Katie
Songs to help you get through the day
3 – 9 Sep 01
mrl-018 Katie

Valentine’s
Day 2002
mrl-019 11 wonderful women

Of luncay and
lunar cycles…
31 December 2001 – 2 March 2002
mrl-020 For me, 5 others a month later

Philosophy and
its (self-imposed?) limits
7 Apr – 23 May 2002
mrl-021 *


This is the list of compilations that fed this project, or at least prefaced it.   The format of the list is:

title
sub-title
date covered (ususally)
assigned # / who for & recipients

See how some have ‘real’ titles, maybe even witty ones in a few cases?  Nothing real or witty about Millennium 7. It just never got titled beyond an initial shorthand for 7th CD since the start of the new millennium, as I reckoned it.  Valentine’s Day discs don’t have dates though because they were gifts for a specific day.  From a metadata perspective, I guess I can’t support that entirely.  The data on recording dates are recoverable in the ‘archives’ though.  And the concept for that field, for me, is time period covered and Valentine’s Day is a day….  I guess resonance is also odd in the way that it doesn’t cover an explicit period and is listed by recording dates.  Hmmm.  It was a short period, so they pretty much overlap. 

Why does mrl-021 have an *  Oh.  Yes.  Probably has to do with the fact
that it was conceived and made as a gift to be given away at the annual end-of-year party put on by the ISU Philosophical Society (student group) for the department.   But it wasn’t ready on time or I decided against giving it away.  I think I remember just running out of time.  Besides, a final date of 23 May is well after the end of the spring semester.   

Katie: Songs to help you get through the day was made for a dear friend of  mine during a tough time for her.  I put together some songs that were meaningful to me and helped me get out of bed each day and keep at it.   I hoped that it would provide her some comfort and guidance.

Philosophy and its (self-imposed?) limits was supposed to be given away as a ‘door prize’ at a philosophy gathering as mentioned above.  It started with songs that I had quoted in academic papers, included songs that addressed various topics that I would like to address through the songs themselves, and ended with a few songs that addressed some other issues I had written about and had almost used in my writings but had not in the end.

Valentine’s Day discs were given as gifts to the most important dozen or so women in my life, be they undergraduate or almost retiree.  These women were very important to me in so many varied ways.

All of the other discs were standard diary-like CDs made for me.  Some of these were then also shared with a very few people close to me.

This list of compilations actually covers some highly varied ground.  There are some that are almost entirely upbeat to those that are a reflection of a mind that only wants to turn itself off for good.  Some covered only a few days to one covering almost 6 months.

Well, that’s enough babbling.  If there are any questions please feel free to ask.  I’ll start with comments on the tracks soon.

Better day on the front

It’s late and there’s a wonderful April thunder storm rolling through.  Got to get to bed and go in early, for a Thursday, to see Gorman.  He’s giving a talk on his ideas for the future of ALA and Librarianship and he’s also duking it out with our GSLIS Dean, John Unsworth and UIUC University Librarian Paula Kaufman in a panel discussion titled "The History of the Future of
Librarianship."  This should prove to be very interesting

Got most of the details for my summer cataloging practicum worked out.  All the messy paperwork stills needs done, and the small fact of registration.  But they want me.  How choosy can you be for 75+ free hours of labor and an extensive project geared to solving one of your problems?  I mean you don’t just take anybody…, but still.  It’s nice to be wanted though, and it is nice to get to try out what could amount to a major decision.  Plus I got to go for 2 walks of a half hour each on a beautiful spring day!

Classes end (very soon), finals week, 2-week summer course, and start my practicum around 31 May.  I really hope I find some interesting problem to look at that would be of practical use to them.  I am pretty good at figuring a few things out on occasion. 

My summer class is Enumerative, Descriptive, Historical and Textual Bibliography.  2 weeks, five afternoons/wk. 

My baby girl called me tonight.  Things are going well for her at the moment—in the sense that she feels well and she is learning valuable lessons about how to feel better.  She got her 1st choice of a prestigious summer internship in Rostock, Germany.  Her chemistry department more than doubled her scholarship for her last year.  She got invited to do Honors her senior year.  We had a nice talk.  Her good mood helped me out a lot; and yes, I told her so.

resonance

I am going to try an experiment.  I made mixed CDs for a couple of years  as a sort of diary.  I didn’t particularly stop; life just got in the way at the beginning of 2004.  Liner notes are  incomplete to non-existent on many prior to then.

My experiment will be to describe one of them through multiple posts.  I hope to explain the project(s)—this and the CD—in this post, and provide the track listing.  Then I will make subsequent posts providing notes to each song.  This one came close to being entirely finished but it never happened.  There are even some notes with hand-written annotations, important annotations, somewhere.  Where?  Oh well, I’ll work with what’s on the computer and ‘finalize’ them in blog form.  Of course, in the end, what I do here may not be able to serve as true liner notes since a blog’s layout is not the same as CD liner notes.

Feel free to provide any feedback on whether this experiment was a good idea.  I do have a website that I could do this stuff on, and I have done a lot of related work there.  But what the hell?  Maybe I’m abusing the blog format; or maybe I’m playing with the form, organization and presentation of information; or both.

resonance

Inside cover notes:

I have been recording CDs for myself and for others for a few years now.  I started doing it as a sort of diary for myself in late 1999.  My 1st disc was Mark’s 1999: Musical Comments on Life, Death, Pain & Love: A Cathartic Search for a Lost Soul.  Since then I have made them for myself, for others & myself, and a very few for specific individuals.  Most of these songs are from some of the CDs I have made since Jan 2001.  The last few are more recent & this is their 1st appearance.

Many of these songs are from me to me. They serve as reminders, and as guides to living (Dolphin, Remember the Tinman, …). Thus, many of the notes are also from me to me (RtTinman…).

Recorded 18 – 20 August 2002

Most of these songs are meant to be played loud – the messages are emotional or moral (or both), and even the rare rational one, are meant to be felt
to be understood.

End of inside cover notes:

  1. Dolphin – Poe
  2. Remember the Tinman – Tracy Chapman
  3. (Sometimes I Feel So) Uninspired – Traffic
  4. work your way out – Ani DiFranco
  5. school night – Ani DiFranco
  6. My Friends – Dar Williams
  7. Excuse Me Mr. – Ben Harper
  8. in or out – Ani DiFranco
  9. your next bold move – Ani DiFranco
  10. Succulent – Bif Naked
  11. Night – Feisty
  12. Perfect Fingers – Tami Greer
  13. falling is like this – Ani DiFranco
  14. I Don’t Know Enough About You – Peggy Lee
  15. Come Away With Me – Norah Jones
  16. Broken Bicycles / Junk – Anne Sofie Von Otter and Elvis Costello
  17. Origin of Love – Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Why started?

Once upon a time, I’m sitting at a bar having a perfectly harmless
conversation, my mouth’s running (it has a pint or 2 in it already) and
out of nowhere she looks me in the eye and asks, "What if he doesn’t
touch you anymore?"  Stopped me mid sentence.  Me.  Stopped.  Mid
sentence. When the immediate pain was over, I was, and am, proud of
myself because just a few short years earlier my brain would not’ve
even processed her comment and my mouth would’ve just kept on.  I think
I was talking about getting a massage every week when she just had this
moment and spit that out.  That comment touched me to the core of my
soul, just as Hedwig sings in Origin of Love.

…you had a wound so familiar…

…that the pain down in your soul

was the same as the one down in mine…

The depth of pain in her question resonated a fundamental chord in
my soul.  I had been thinking about, and in fact paying for, touch for
a while already.  At this point I had been divorced a few years; the
boy had gone off to college, then the Army; daughter’s getting ready to
go to college and has been essentially out of my life in regards to
frequent touch since the divorce; and I finally realize that I get
almost no quality touch in my life and that it is a fundamental, but
missing, need.  I had also recently read Touch
by Tiffany Field and started getting a 1/2 hour massage every week.  I
had been compiling a list of touch-related songs.  Touch was on my
mind; but not my body.  This only made it more an object of mental
concern.  Her question had fundamental meaning for me.

So I decided that I would get to know this person a little better as
she could clearly use a friend.  That is all I wanted, a friend; to
help someone in pain.  Hell, she already had a husband and a
boyfriend.  She was working on the touch issue in a different manner
than me.

[I have to admit:  I'm having issues telling this story, and trying
to keep it vague.  I promised I would not relate 'this.'  But, what
version of 'this' am I bound to not relate?  And then there's the
simple fact that I was done so completely wrong in this whole thing.  My promise is the only thing keeping me from being explicit.]

Her comment touched me so deeply that I started recording a CD that was to serve as an introduction to me;
my thoughts, my beliefs, my hopes….  Just a friendly here’s me and some
of my ‘politics.’  Several fundamental frequencies in my soul resonated
over the next few days due to her comment.  As this project moved along
over this short period the project changed as my thoughts were stirred
by the varying overtones.  I ended up putting 5 songs from the
Valentine’s Day 2002 disc near the end and then followed up with 3 more
songs, 2 of which were clearly ‘love songs.’

I stand by what I made and it represents me well.  If other things
hadn’t gone the way they did then it would’ve still been an OK gift.  I fell in love with an idea, a concept.
It involved the satisfaction to the profoundest depth of the most
fundamental feelings of touch, in its broadest sense, being met between
a pair of lovers over a long, sustained lifetime together.  It did not
involve her at all.  She just triggered it.  I never got the feeling she wanted me to touch her.  I didn’t particularly
want to touch her.  [If she wasn't already 'engaged' then sure; it'd be
a pleasant thought.]  It started out as an innocent gift as way of
introduction and morphed into something heavily influenced by the
concept occupying my entire person for a few days.  She never got it
though.

So there it is.  This could’ve easily been something else.  All of
my CDs could’ve been something else.  This just happens to be one of a
few, several possibly, that morphed radically over the life of the
disc.  Some cover a few days, some a year.  This one was recorded 18 –
20 August 2002.  I didn’t  finalize the disc until 2 Nov 02 though
because I was never sure if I was going to add a short song….  It
needed to end though. 

It got its name very quickly, especially compared to most.  Some
still don’t and some probably never will have titles.  It was named
before the recording was over.  As I said above, there were these profound resonances going on in my entire being and it was that simple.  There was never a moment of doubt or a second choice.

Notes, explanations, babbling to follow.

Public failure at Storytelling

Something happened today that I really could have lived without right now.  I failed telling my story.  I got through the 3rd line and the 4th just wasn’t there.  I tried thinking about it, even started over completely and failed at the same spot.  I tried to think it through but I started trembling and my mind had gone completely dead.  Nothing there.  So I apologized and sat the hell down.

Great feeling, let me tell you.  Yes, I was assured, and do believe, that it happens to everyone—except I’m the only one its happened to this semester.  I am supposed to try again next week.  Yeah!  Something to look forward to.  Except, I was supposed to be done today.  And thanks to the rest of my life right now I really needed to be done with this.

I don’t even begin to know how to explain any of this to anyone.  Of course, that doesn’t really matter as I have no one to explain it to even if I could.

Maybe I am pushing myself too hard, I don’t know.  Yes, I am tough on myself and expect certain things from myself.  But I’m really not reaching for that much in life!  If I can’t succeed at the things I’m trying to do now, how will I ever succeed at anything remotely important?

i’m losing my love of adventure
i’m losing all respect
for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn’t a light
i’ve worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i’ve worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
and i’m stumbling down
the gravel driveway of desire
trying not to wake up
my sleeping self-loathing

do you ever have that dream
where you open mouth
and you try to scream
but you can’t make a sound
that’s every day starting now
that’s every day starting now

don’t tell me it’s gonna be alright
you can’t sell me on your optimism tonight


no more wish i may
no more wish i might

it takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
i got to suck it up and savor
the taste of my own behavior
i am spinning with longing
faster than a roulette wheel
this is not who i meant to be
this is not how i meant to feel

i don’t think i am strong enough
to do this much longer
god i wish i was stronger

wish i may, Ani DiFranco on to the teeth (1999)

Or, as Jolie asks, Do You?

Oh, do you have to go crazy?
Is that the best thing you can think to do?
I’m lost without a place to go crazy.

I know there’s a sunrise on the other side
to pull me through.

What did you do when I called?
Didn’t you hear me at all?
It’s a long night that seems to have no end.
Big stars falling and twinkling as they fall.

Oh, do you have to go crazy?
Is that the best thing you can think to do?
I’m lost without a place to go crazy.

I know there’s a sunrise on the other side
to pull me through.

What did you do when I called?
Didn’t you hear me at all?
…You motherfucker,
I wanted you.

Jolie Holland on escondida (2004) [these lyrics from tour CD]

I saw Jolie on 25 Jan of this year at the Cowboy Monkey in Champaign thanks to my friend Chris calling and asking if I wanted to meet him there.  Incredible. 

I almost told her Spooky Pony Blues from a live tour CD but I decided I couldn’t do it well.  That’s almost funny considering what happened today.  I really hated my voice trying to do SPB.

I listen to a lot of Jolie.  Quietly, and somehow comfortably, deranged.  Goodbye California from escondida is particularly apropos lately.  Its good to have new, good songs about difficult subjects.  Especially given the distinct possibility that the old ones no longer work.  Case in point, Bif’s Hold On was not doing much for me on the walk home.  I started applying a negative interpretation to a line that I had always treated as neutral at worst.  Something like that; I changed the conversation somehow.  It ended up undermining much of the previously very supportive message of the song for me.  Ani, on the other hand, did speak to me.  Of course, in a different way from the last time.  This time it became an internal conversation.

Enough self-pity and obscure rambling about songs that are meaningful to me.  It would be fine if I could be articulate.  Another time.

Todorov on totalitarianism

  Written as part of final exam for Sociology 469.04 Seminar in Sociological Institutions – Modern Morality. Fall 2001 at Illinois State University.
 

1.  Discuss Todorov’s theory of totalitarianism and how it accounts for the widespread use of concentration camps and for related crimes in Nazi Germany and Stalinist Russia.  Interpret this statement of Todorov’s:  “Totalitarianism reveals what democracy leaves in the shadows – that at the end of the path of indifference and conformity lies the concentration camp.”  Distinguish between moralism and the moral judgment that is a component of moral virtue.  Discuss the lessons to be learned from the concentration camps about moral values.

   Todorov’s theory of totalitarianism centers on its influence on individual moral behavior.  He believes that traditional explanations are lacking.  Some have blamed the amount of evil on pathologically abnormal people.  But evidence shows a very small percentage of people who could be considered pathological, and millions committed the evil.  Some have posited a reversion to bestial or primitive instincts.  But, he says “that torture and extermination have not even the remotest equivalent in the animal kingdom.” (Todorov, 123)  Lastly, some have claimed that it is a direct outgrowth of ideological fanaticism.  But, he claims that the number of fanatics was no larger than the number of sadists.  Most involved were conformists.  “[T]hese crimes were new, right down to the principle on which they were based, and thus require new explanatory concepts.” (Todorov, 124) 
 

    This evil was banal in that it was committed by people who were “terrifyingly normal.”  A convicted Nazi speaking about the Auschwitz exterminations said that “there is a limit to the number of people you can kill out of hatred or a lust for slaughter”—so much for fanaticism and sadism—“but there is no limit to the number you can kill in the cold, systematic manner of the military ‘categorical imperative.’” (Todorov, 125)  Todorov says that we must look to the character of the society that issues such imperatives.

    He claims that the societal trait that allows such crimes is
totalitarianism.  He also claims that totalitarianism has three main
characteristics which are important in its influence on individual
moral behavior.  The first of these traits is that of the internal
enemy.  If the individual is not with the state, then he is against
it.  This leads to dividing humanity into two groups of unequal worth.
The inferior beings are usually punished or even exterminated.  This,
in turn, leads to a certain form of moral behavior.  One comes to the
enjoyment of power over one’s ‘enemies.’
 

   The second characteristic is that “the state becomes the
custodian of society’s ultimate aims.” (Todorov, 127)  The state places
itself between the individual and his values and as such, “the state
replaces humanity as the standard by which to distinguish good from
evil and thus determines the direction in which society will evolve.”
(Todorov, 127-8)  This leads the individual to the feeling of relief
from personal responsibility for decisions.  The state restricts its
subjects to instrumental thinking and the treating of all actions as
means.  This is precisely how such “ordinary people” are capable of
such evil.  The state accomplishes its goals without disturbing the
individual’s moral conscience; it is simply replaced with a new one.

   The third characteristic is that “the state aspires to control
the totality of an individual’s social existence.” (Todorov, 128)  The
state controls who works, where they work, what kind of job they get,
if they can travel, where they can travel, whether they can own
property, whether they can live, and so on.  Almost all aspects of life
are under the control of the totalitarian state.  This leads to social
schizophrenia.  The individual must exhibit public docility at least.
This social schizophrenia is a weapon in the hands of the state
though.  “[I]t lulls to sleep the conscience of the totalitarian
subject, reassures him, and lets him underestimate the seriousness of
his public deeds.  Master of his heart of hearts, the subject no longer
pays much attention to what he does in the world.” (Todorov, 129)   

   This is the manner in which totalitarianism accounts for the
widespread use of concentration camps.  The state, by setting societal
goals and aspiring to control all of an individual’s existence,
relieves the individual from responsibility for decisions, encourages,
and in fact, requires instrumental thought, and creates a sort of
social schizophrenia within the individual.  This then is the power
that the state uses to disconnect the moral individual from what they
actually do in the world. 

   In his chapter entitled, The Perils of Judgment, Todorov
states that: “[T]otalitarianism reveals what democracy leaves in the
shadows—that at the end of the path of indifference and conformity lies
the concentration camp.” (Todorov, 253)  It is in this chapter that he
details the four circles of moral responsibility.  He is discussing the
fourth circle, the populations of the free countries, when he makes
this statement.  The ‘secrets’ of the stalags and gulags were not, in
fact, secret.  Yet little to nothing was done.  “Why?” he asks.   

   The answer seems to be that the allies didn’t want “the transfer
of odium from the German to Allied Governments,” as stated in a State
Department document. (Todorov, 250)  We have no room for others’
misfortunes if we have to sacrifice our own comfort.  We still turn a
deliberate blind eye to extreme poverty, homelessness, and other moral
dilemmas of our day.

   Thus, what Todorov is saying is that the resignation, deliberate
blindness, and fatalism that is present in today’s technological
democracies can easily lead a society down “the path of indifference
and conformity” to the concentration camp.   

   Moralism is the invoking of a set of principles without acting on
them, or without placing oneself at risk.  It makes one feel superior,
“I’m good, you’re evil.”  According to Jacques Ellul, it is “one of the
worst scourges of human existence.”

   Moral judgment involves oneself in the decision as to what action
to take.  It involves the risk to oneself that one may go against the
group.  And, it involves acknowledging moral complicity in evil.
According to Jacques Ellul, moral judgement is “the highest expression
of individual freedom.”
 

   According to Todorov, for an action to be moral, it must be:
subjective, you believe in it; performed by an individual who exercises
moral judgment; and, it must be directed toward other individuals.
Whether these three criteria are necessary I do not know, but I do
believe them to be sufficient criteria for an action to be moral.
Thus, moralism does not allow for moral action. 

   Todorov discusses a few “moral lessons of the camps and of the
actions that took place in them, around them, and in response to them.”
(Todorov, 289)  Then he draws a few conclusions.   

   He says the first lesson has to do with the reason for the
extraordinary growth of evil in the twentieth century.  He doesn’t
think that the nature of evil has radically changed.  Todorov believes
that it is “two common, altogether ordinary attributes of our daily
lives: the fragmentation of the world we live in and the
depersonalization of our relations with others.” (Todorov, 289-90)
Increasing specialization brings about fragmentation and
compartmentalization.  Instrumental thinking applied to interpersonal
relations leads to depersonalization.  “In other words, those qualities
appropriate to teleological activities (specialization, efficacy) have
also pervaded intersubjective activities, and it is this change that
has increased immeasurably a potential for evil not so different from
that of earlier centuries.” (Todorov, 290)

   The second lesson is about the “status of good in a century whose
emblematic feature is the concentration camp.” (Todorov, 290)  I am not
convinced that the concentration camp is the symbol he claims it to
be.  It certainly is for some people, but for how many?  I’d maintain
that it’s not a significant portion of the world’s population.  But
I’ll give him the point for argument’s sake.  Todorov believes that the
amount of good has stayed the same during the past century, but that
evil has grown.  This is another concept that I have a hard time coming
to grips with.  I have absolutely no idea how to measure the value of a
‘good,’ much less to measure good (or evil) at its most abstract.   

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
  (DiFranco, school night)

   I think he may be referring to what appears to me, at least, to
be the appearance of greater evil and less good.  I think that the
technology, both material technology and technique, available to
mankind since the turn of the century has had a major impact on the
perception of the growth of evil.  We now have the capability to cause
destruction on such a large-scale and to bring it live into the living
rooms of most homes around the world each evening that it surely
appears as if evil is increasing.  Good news rarely sells, it’s not
spectacle, so we hear little of it.   

   I’ll grant that the instantaneous delivery of the media was quite
a bit less during the days of the holocaust.  But he also easily
brushes aside any possible historical equivalents.  I do agree with him
though that increased fragmentation and depersonalization have
certainly opened the door to the possibility of increased evil.  I
still would have a problem quantifying it though.

   There is some hope Todorov admits.  It seems that there are quite
a few more acts of kindness than those generally recognized by
traditional morality.  This is one lesson of the camps.  People in the
most adverse of circumstances were still capable of performing simple
acts of kindness.  Todorov says that it is up to those of us not facing
extreme hardships to “recognize and acknowledge these acts of dignity,
caring, and creativity, to confirm their value and encourage them more
than we habitually do, for while everyone is capable of them, they
represent one of the supreme achievements of the human race.” (Todorov,
291)  I could not agree with him more on any point than this one.  The
“banality of good” is such a beautiful concept.
 

   Todorov thinks that the lessons of the camps may shed some light
on the ages old moral debate of human nature vs. duty.  The people who
performed these acts of kindness did so out of human nature; it most
certainly was not from a sense of duty.  But, these natural acts were
the voluntary actions of a person free to choose their behavior.  All
in all, this still leaves us somewhere between the two extremes of
purely human nature vs. duty.  The extreme of duty has a much weaker
claim now though it has been shown to be false in these sorts of
extreme circumstances.  Maybe duty still has a large place in the
morality of the normal, but that is not Todorov’s goal.

   The third group of lessons for Todorov has to do with the
relation between gender and moral values as evinced in the series of
oppositions which he has drawn.  He first split human actions and
qualities into the teleological and the intersubjective.  Then the
intersubjective was divided into public and private activities.  This
led to the division of politics and morality.  Moral action called for
the difference between ordinary and heroic virtues.  Within the
ordinary virtues, he then distinguished between the morality of
principles and that of sympathy.   

   Todorov sees these as “a kind of double necessity: even though
these are real oppositions that admit of no synthesis, both terms are
equally crucial to the life of the individual and to that of society.
Work must be efficient and human relations must not be sacrificed to it….” (Todorov, 293)  Is this tension surmountable?

   He also sees how European societies, this includes America, have
split these values along gender lines.  Men value work, politics,
public affairs, heroic virtues, and the morality of principles.  Women
value the opposites: human relations, the private sphere, ordinary
virtues, and the morality of sympathy.  These are not exclusive
assignments, but are highly preferential.  These terms are not equally
appreciated.  The ‘male’ terms are far more highly valued by most
people in these societies or at least by those in power.
 

   The conclusions Todorov derives are few, but they are extremely important.

   First, he says “we must renounce the ideal of unity….  The two
terms of each opposition are not contradictory, strictly speaking; yet
embodied in concrete actions, they can not be practiced by the same
person at the same time.  Both are necessary, however….” (Todorov,
294)   

   Based on the above conclusion, he states that “we must recognize
that the complete moral being may not be the individual but…the couple,
which must in turn be built on a compromise between the two types of
values, each serving to temper the other.” (Todorov, 294)  It is
essential that both types of values are preserved and acted upon.  It
is also essential that we attempt to break the European split of these
values into masculine and feminine.  Every gender should practice and
express each of the values as appropriate. 

   The third lesson Todorov draws is that we must be on guard for
the day when ordinary virtue is not enough.  If and when that day
comes, whether in the life of the individual or of the society, then
people must be willing to take risk upon themselves and those close to
them, even for a stranger.  That is, there comes a time when the heroic
virtues of courage and generosity are just as necessary as the ordinary
ones.
 

   The tragic, final lesson of the camps for Todorov is that people
who can display the heroic virtues, even to a stranger, are few in
number. 

   Another lesson I believe that was at least confirmed by the
horrors of the camps is that: “All, or almost all, of us prefer comfort
to truth.” (Todorov, 156)
 

Sources

   DiFranco, Ani. school night on reckoning. Righteous Babe Records, 2001.
 

   Todorov, Tzvetan, Facing the Extreme: Moral Life in the Concentration Camps, (NY: Henry Holt, 1996)

 
  Afterthoughts and Notes:
 

Written as part of final exam for Sociology 469.04 Seminar in
Sociological Institutions – Modern Morality. Fall 2001 at Illinois
State University.  Sorry I don’t have the 2 Ellul citations.  Someday,
when I get a chance, I’ll look for them.  Actually, I think they may
have come from lecture notes and thus I never had a correct citation.
There didn’t seem any need to cite the prof to the prof.

Bloglines problems?

Anyone else having issues with Bloglines this morning?  The login page loads and then it just reloads when I try to login.  No error message, no "this is not your password, dummy," just ignores me.  I can get to Bloglines main page, etc; just can’t get logged in.

Bah!

Oh well (if it’s temporary).  Other things to do.  I’m going to the first annual ACRL@UIUC Unofficial Champagne Brunch at 11 AM this lovely Spring morn.

Why?:  Because we like to eat and we like mimosas!  And to get together to debrief about our experiences at the 2005 ACRL National Conference.

Menu:  Homemade waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, country ham, champagne, mimosas, coffee, tea, etc.

Champagne on a Sat morn is way out of the norm for me, but maybe is something I need right now.

Last night, late, I finally cleaned off my rocker and sat down and watched Run Lola Run (Lola Rennt).
It was what I needed and had the added benefit of being short.  I love
that movie!  Have from the 1st time I saw it in 1999.  If you ever get
the chance I highly recommend seeing on the big screen, but only one
with a great sound system.

It reminds me so very much of Deutschland.
And those glorious clocks!  Did you miss the strange way the clock
works?  That isn’t movie magic, they really do that.  It seems so
inimical to good timekeeping, but is so absolutely lovely.  The second
hand pauses at the top until the minute hand clicks into the next
position.  It is simply incredible to see.  I have idea if the
engineering required is prosaic or extraordinary, but the effect is
lovely.  I miss Deutschland often.

I wish I was a writer
who sees what is yet unseen
I wish I was a prayer
expressing what I mean
I wish I was a forest
of trees that do not hide
I wish I was a clearing
No secrets left inside
(Running 3)

I never think
To do, do, do the right thing
I want to go
I want to fight
I want to rush
I want to run
I want to see you again
under the setting sun
We will kiss
We will laugh
We will be a part
of what is said to be
a union of the heart
Love is just the only strain
that makes me live through all my pain

(Running 2)

Bloglines is still acting ignorant!  I guess I’ll quit babbling and
do something more ‘productive.’  Reminder to self: When Bloglines
decides to play nice, export your OPML to file again because it is way out of date.  I guess I should rejoice in a Cohenian sense—can’t be any info overload if there is no info.

Update:
Finally got in Bloglines and
exported the OPML.  I have to remember to do that once in a while.  I
would not want to have to go find these blogs again.

Another missed opportunity, or not

As I left school/work this evening I was reminded that I was missing another opportunity.  Unlike many universities that have a Parent’s Weekend, UIUC has both a Mom’s Weekend and a Dad’s Weekend.

At my previous school, I would tease my friends of typical undergrad age that they should introduce me to their divorced moms.  I mean, c’mon, think about it for a second.  I started a little earlier than most parents of my kids generation on the business of child-rearing, throw in our country’s divorce rate, and you have this whole cohort of divorced mothers of today’s college kid that are sliding right through my age group right now.  Sweet!

Or not!

As I walked out the door it took me a second to realize that the group of "girls" hanging around the parking meter were mothers.  Yes, many of you are still very fine looking, maybe even better looking than your daughter; but why in the hell are you dressed like her?  And what is with all that perfume?  If you didn’t dress like your daughter does when you aren’t on campus you wouldn’t have to wear enough perfume to anesthetize a fully-grown boar from 20 paces. 

Kam’s is even having bar specials this weekend for Mom’s Weekend!  Kam’s isn’t fit for anyone over 21.2 years old, and isn’t even fit for those under it.  No self-respecting mother should be accompanying her kid to Kam’s. Even more, they should be trying to convince their child to drink in establishments of at least some quality.  The biggest problem isn’t gender or sex, or even dressing like you are 20.  The biggest problem is that you probably are the parent of a Greek student, at least if you are on my side of campus.  So, I’ll pass on the opportunity.  I am far safer here at home.  And yes, they are safe from me, you might say.  But if you really knew me and what I was trying to get at here you wouldn’t think that.  But since you may not know me, and I explained myself horribly but don’t have the time or mental stamina to tease out something a little better, you may feel free to relax.  I will not inflict myself on them; they are safe from me.  I doubt that they are safe though.  Hmmm, maybe that’s what they’re looking for….

Somewhere there is one who knows how to dress and act like the beautiful middle-aged woman that she is.  I sure wish I knew how to find her without suffering through the rest.

Mind, brain or jelly?

Wow, I’m laughing my butt off!  I just realized what I wrote last night.  How in the hell did I get from where I started my last post to where I ended it?  [Yes, I know it was the hug—those two concepts should've never been in the same post is the point.]  I fully stand by both thoughts, and it was an ingenious transition. 

Moral life is a constitutive dimension of the intersubjective world, permeating it in its entirety and standing as its crowning achievement. … The moral action par excellence is "caring."  Through caring, the "I" has as its goal the well-being of the "you" (whether singular or multiple).  Yet caring is not the only kind of moral act, for there can be other beneficiaries besides the "you."
Todorov pp. 286 and 287

Watching the restructuring of one’s thought processes when the brain is under chronic, yet cyclical, overload is an interesting thing, if nothing else.  And now I get to make it public, hehehe.  The thoughts truly are broken.  Not really broken.  More like an odd sort of logic subtlely slides into place and is just as internally coherent as the ‘normal’ version. 

My point was, "the "I" has as its goal the well-being of the "you"" is the perfect metaphorical description of a hug [unless it's done in an icky way, for real or metaphorically, that I want no part of.].

I highly recommend Todorov, period, but his Imperfect Garden: The Legacy of Humanism especially good.  I’ve read it once but if anyone ever wants to read and discuss it and his sources please think of me.  It has a very odd sentence structure that took a while to get used to but then which I grew to love.  It is sort of mostly ( sentence; sentence) and some (sentence: sentence).  Usually they are reinforcing pairs of sentences or clauses.  That’s how it seemed to me and I don’t know if it is the translation, or a translation of words but retention of native sentence structure, or something else of which I am completely ignorant.

Oh well, I got a good laugh over last night’s juxtaposition this morning.  I guess I can justify it in both logics, but I still don’t think I would’ve done it for other perfectly acceptable reasons under the ‘normal’ logic.  Do other people’s brains work like this?

Sweet complications

Another "who woulda saw it comin’?" moment.   My Lambchop storytelling just got much more complex.   Innocent or guilty?  Subconscious, unconscious, or just conscious denial?

Why is it some of the best things in life can be so complicated?  Circumstances….  I can’t wish for the ‘stars’ to align as that isn’t my form of causation.  I guess I should take it as positive progress, and compliment though.

Best of all         are the things that’s in this world         that’s worth a look
Lambchop

Connections.  That’s what these undertakings (blog, Storytelling) were for.  Very lately they seem to be paying off in small but critical ways.  I need these deep fundamental connections right now with the way the other parts of my day-to-days are again. 

Everyone at school and work are very supportive, which I appreciate immensely, but I could really use a hug.  Such a simple act of care, a display of an ordinary virtue.  C’mon people, don’t you read Todorov?  And yes, I realize he was talking about life in the camps, and not about hugs, but it clearly fits within my interpretation of his theory.  I really need to re-read and re-annotate this book.  But it’ll have to wait for a personally ‘bright and sunny’ day, and I simply don’t have time right now anyway.  Tzvetan Todorov. Facing the Extreme: Moral Life in the Concentration Camps. New York: Holt, 1997, c1996.  Highly recommended, but extremely depressing.  Maybe I’ll post my soc final exam anwer about Todorov…. [One of them now here.]