20 Feb  1st Quarter moon after New moon of Chinese New Year (Year of the Horse) [my birthday]

Dinner and fun with Katie & Joan…

21 Feb  The day I celebrated for myself…

Sitting down to breakfast & it’s snowing… 
Stopped by work for last piece of cake & to say Hi to Katie.
An hour massage, aaah…
A real haircut with warm lather…
Coffeehouse for a very different but, great & relaxed lunch.
BD leftovers at Katie’s…
Ani concert with Katie & my baby girl…

Wanted to put Freakshow (from to the teeth) here cause she opened with an awesome version of it.  She entered stage right jamming on the bongos while her drummer, Daren Hahn, entered stage left also jamming (dueling bongos?) while Julie Wolf entered sort of center & they all met at the mike center front stage and belted out a powerful freakshow.  But, the one on the cd is nothing like the live one was…

but life on the outside ain’t easy
no sequins, no elephants
no parading around
yeah, the tent goes up
and the tent comes down
and they’re stuck in this fucking town

you need a lot of love and compliance

welcome to the freakshow
here we go…

Oh well, it would’ve been so perfect!

marrow – Ani DiFranco (revelling, © 2001) (the other ½ of the double album)

This one’s to myself for now…  It has a lot to do with Your Next Bold Move, the gascd, Dr. Stivers’ seminar, my life…

the answer came
like a shot in the back
while you were running from your lesson
which might explain
why years later all you could remember
was the terror of the question
plus, you weren’t listening
you were stockpiling canned goods
making a bomb shelter of our basement
and i can’t believe you let the moral go by
while you were soaking in the product placement

and where was your conscience?
where was your consciousness?
and where did you put all those letters
that you wrote to yourself
but could not address?

…you were smoking me
weren’t you?
between your yellow fingers
you just inhaled and exhaled without saying a word

there’s a smorgasbord of unspoken poisons
a whole childhood of potions
that are all bottled up
and so one by one i am dusting off labels
i am uncorking bottles and filling up cups
so go ahead and have a taste of your own medicine
and i’ll have a taste of mine
but first let’s toast to the lists
that we hold in our fists
of the things that we promise to do
differently next time

cuz the answer came like a shot in the back
while you were running from your lesson
which might explain
why years later all you could remember
was the terror of the question
plus, i’m not listening to you anymore
my head is too sore and my heart’s perforated
and i’m mired in the marrow of my (well… ain’t that) funny bone
learning how to be alone and devastated

where was my conscience?
where was my consciousness?
and what do i do with all these letters
that i wrote to myself
but cannot address?

Mark looking for Mark.  And the search continues… 

15 Feb – Voices on the Verge with Adele

17 Feb – Katie’s BD / Golf at Miller

18 Feb Mo buys her 1st CD…

Acrobat – U2 (Achtung Baby, © 1991)

I worry about Mo.  I wonder if she feels music?  How she feels this?  I know I do feel too much sometimes…  Ohh, Mo…  I  sure hope it all turns out to be worth it.

If you just close your eyes
You can feel the enemy

And you can swallow
Or you can spit it out
You can throw it up
Or choke on it

And you can dream
So dream out loud
You know that your time is coming ‘round
…don’t let the bastards grind you down

And I must be
An acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud
…don’t let the bastards grind you down

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It did work out in the end.  I just hope she’s able to let it all go someday.  Keep dreaming out loud my friend.

Deep Water – Jewel (Spirit, © 1998)

Poignant commentator on life & she proposes a good personal responsibility based ethic.  Why can’t we just take responsibility for ourselves?

You wake up to realize
That your standard of living got stuck on survive

We must demand more not from each other
But from ourselves

It’s these little times
That help to remind
It’s nothing without love

Birthday Month

As I mentioned on the inside cover, I celebrated my birthday all month.  This was not some sort of narcissistic act, but was designed to put a very depressed person into as good of a mood as possible for as long as possible – and it worked brilliantly!  One of my best laid & executed plans ever.

1 Feb Covered early ancient Roman literature in class today & Dr. MacDonald told us a generic version of a Livius Andronicus tale that immediately made me think of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum & that is exactly who Steven Sondheim got the idea from.  That is one of my favorite movies so I watched it this evening.  I remember staying up late at night several times, after my parents went out, to watch this on TV when I was young.

13 Feb  Vagina Monologues with my friend Katie.  My department chair was there as a co-sponsor, but he didn’t look too comfortable.  Thank you Alison! 

Valentine’s Day

Matters of the heart – Tracy Chapman (mattters of the heart, © 1992)

For Victoria, 1st V-Day without her since I started re-celebrating it (3 yrs), but “I have no tears left to cry…”  Thank you.

I won’t call it love
But it feels good to have passion in my life
If there’s a battle
I hope my head always defers to my heart
In matters of the heart

I have no harsh words for you
I have no tears to cry
If the moon were full
I’d be howling inside… 

Sunday, 27 Jan 02 – 1st [disc] golf of the year!  I missed you Shane…

28 Jan 02 – Full Moon

Calling The Moon – Dar Williams (the green world, © 2000)

Just went out to gaze at the moon while Moonlight in Vermont played on GLT.  This is a beautiful song about man’s relationship to the moon & vice versa.  Still need a song for S&L…

Dar’s note from the CD: “This came up while I was reading “Drawing Down
The Moon”, by Margo Adler, all about witches, Druids and Pagans in
America.  My favorite group was the Discordians, whose creation story
includes a bowling alley and an exploding monkey, but this song isn’t
about that.”  (4 Mar I just added this note about 3 days ago &
guess what book I saw sitting on the ILL return shelves yesterday when
I stopped in?  That is spookier than Ange Milner…)

2 Mar AM  Getting ready to go to work & letting this play.  “…she comes when the empire falls, and shines on crumbling walls.”  Ancient Roman History class and the Empire there is fast disintegrating also.  Just used the analogy between the Roman Repubic and ours a day or two ago in 2 conversations…  (see notes for Work For Peace)

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These notes are from my version of the liner notes.

Don’t Forget About Me – Nanci Griffith (Flyer, © 1994)

For the two very special ladies in my life – Joan & Katie.  I can’t even begin to put into words all the good that you do for me…

Thank you for taking such great care of me all around my birthday!  And all the other days of the year too…

Although I recorded it here first, I put this as the 1st song on my Valentine’s Day CD this year as I wanted to get it out to the ladies it was recorded for & that had to get done in time for the 14th…

Some Days Are Better Than Others – U2 (Zooropa, © 1993)

This is just the way it is for now…

Some days are bouncers and won’t let you in…

Some days are better than others.

12 Jan 02 – Helping Leigh and Shane move.

The Three Of Us – Ben Harper (Welcome To The Cruel World, © 1994)

This one is for Leigh & Shane.  Nice and melancholy, but a very friendly & comfortable tune.  I love & miss you guys very much!  Thanks for letting me in…

New Year’s Eve about 11:30 PM

your next bold move – ani difranco (gascd, © 2001 / reckoning, © 2001)

Listening to this on the gascd.  Think I’ll start with this – it says a great deal about how I feel…

1 Jan 02 Listening to Call It Democracy & went out to see the moon & sky.  Quiet out, kind of a shame but I hope it stays that way!  Put on A new millennium… to quiet things down, gascd was a little too lively for just prior to bed.  This was the 1st time in several years that I stayed up past midnight on New Year’s Eve.

5 Jan  Where did my America go?  We are all complicit!  Thank you Dr. Stivers!  I can now verbalize so many more of my thoughts.

coming of age during the plague
of reagan and bush
watching capitalism gun down democracy
it had this funny effect on me
i guess

i am cancer
i am HIV
and i’m down at the blue jesus
blue cross hospital
just lookin’ up from my pillow
feeling blessed

and the mighty multinationals
have monopolized the oxygen
so it’s as easy as breathing
for us all to participate

but you’ve got the hard cough of a chain smoker
and you’re at the arctic circle playing strip poker
and it’s getting colder and colder
everytime you lose

yes they’re buying and selling
off shares of air
and you know it’s all around you
but it’s hard to point and say "there"

so you just sit on your hands
and quietly contemplate
your next bold move
the next thing you’re gonna need to prove
to yourself

what a waste of thumbs that are opposable
to make machines that are disposable
and sell them to seagulls flying in circles
around one big right wing
yes, the left wing was broken long ago
by the slingshot of cointelpro
and now it’s so hard to have faith in
anything
especially your next bold move
or the next thing you’re gonna need to prove
to yourself

you want to track each trickle
back to its source
and then scream up the faucet
’til your face is hoarse
cuz you’re surrounded by a world’s worth
of things you just can’t excuse

so go ahead
make your next bold move
tell us
what’s the next thing you’re gonna need to prove
to yourself

ANI ON "YOUR NEXT BOLD MOVE"

Of lunacy and lunar cycles…

(no connection, except
etymological)

31 Dec 01 – 2 Mar 02

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This disc is heavily influenced by several things which have had a big impact on my life, some recently, some for a very long time without my knowing it, or knowing how to express them, even if I had wanted.

Fall 2001 I took a grad seminar/Honors colloquium with Dr. Richard Stivers on the sociology of cultural institutions. We mainly looked at lived morality & at the impact of our technological society on our lives. It was in many ways very depressing! But, far more importantly, it helped me to see & become able to express many things that have almost destroyed me. I now have a reasonable understanding of why & how I am out of synch with the world I live & was raised in. This class was so important to me that I am doing it again this Fall, although we will be using different sources. I hope to be able to find some ways to counter many of these forces, if only on a personal level. If I can’t, I won’t survive. Either way, I owe Dr. Stivers a sincere debt of gratitude for helping me articulate these things. Many of the songs here reflect what I am talking about.

Another highly related influence has been the music of Ani DiFranco & the ideas she puts forth. The 1st song is from her newest CD & also from a double CD put out by her label entitled the gascd. I got it in mid-Dec 2001 & it relates the events of the FTAA protests in Quebec during the weekend of 22 Apr 2001. The title comes from the fact that police fired over 5100 canisters of tear gas that weekend.

Another major influence has been mice, or should I say the devastating illness that they caused me. I got really sick early Fall & am only now recovering. Of course, the modern, technological doctor was of no use to me. I was pronounced physically well & told to see the shrink. What a useless profession!

The other 2 main influences were the moon & the great month of February in which I celebrated my birthday for 28 days.

I hope that you can find something here that in its own way is uplifting or helpful or, at least, enjoyable. Music is meant to help – at least in my screwed-up little world. Enjoy…

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1 your next bold move – Ani DiFranco (5:48)
2 The Three of Us – Ben Harper (2:37)
3 Some Days Are Better Than Others – U2 (4:20)
4 Don’t Forget About Me – Nanci Griffith (3:01)
5 Calling The Moon – Dar Williams (5:01)
6 matters of the heart – Tracy Chapman (6:59)
7 Deep Water – Jewel (4:15)
8 Acrobat – U2 (4:30)
9 marrow – Ani Di Franco (5:21)
10 Sitting Here In Limbo – Garcia/Grisman Band (7:04)
11 Hold On – Bif Naked (3:31)
12 I Love Myself Today – Bif Naked (3:32)
13 Straight Lines – Christian Doscher (4:16)
14 Moon River – Henry Mancini (2:43)
15 Work For Peace – Gil Scott Heron (7:32)
16 My Friends – Dar Williams (4:08)
17 ‘til we out number ‘em – arlo guthrie with all severance hall cast
(2:37)

© 2002 mrl enterprises

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This compilation was originally made for me. About a month later I gave copies to Mo, Katie, Joan, TJ and Natasha. My liner notes were never completely finished due to a computer crash. But I did make a slightly shorter, edited version for the recipients. Those will be the ones that follow.