think of me what you will
i’ve got a little space to fill
so let’s get to the point….
Tom Petty. "You Don’t Know How It Feels." Wildflowers.
I’m not really happy with much of this, but it is well past time to get it out. Besides, the thought, for me anyway, is that others can then comment or argue and help me refine my thinking.
No I don’t need a miracle,
but I could use a push in the right direction.
The Refreshments. "Interstate." Fizzy Fuzzy Big & Buzzy.
For me, feedback is one of, if not the main, reason for blogging. It is great to be an expert on something and to be able to pronounce from on high on a topic, but there are far fewer of these experts than many in academia would like to believe!
Maybe there’s a metaphor in this that I’ll use for my blogging. It is blogging as the peer review process in action. Just a bit more public, and a bit less anonymous. I have a lot of respect for the peer review process, not because I particularly believe in it, but because it has turned out so much that I value. It has also turned out a whole load of horse pitooey!
wish i didn’t have this nervous laugh
wish i didn’t say half the stuff i say
wish i could just learn to cover my tracks
guess i’m just not concerned enough with getting away
with it
cause every time i try to hold my tongue
it slips like a fish from the line
they say if you’re going to play
you should learn how to play dumb
guess i can’t bring myself to waste your time….
Ani DiFranco. "Light of Some Kind." Not A Pretty Girl.
I am tired, oh so very tired. Not so much physically. More so mentally. Primarily at a deep existential level.
There has been a lot of talk lately in the blogosphere, much of it good, about blogging and "the job."
random access mazar Keeping a Blog and Keeping Your Job: Not a Guide 30 Jun
Caveat Lector Keeping Blog and Job 30 Jun
Information Wants To Be Free Safe Blogging 5 Jul
Then on 8 Jul we get Bloggers Need Not Apply in the Chronicle. I had actually read some commentary on it that morning at random access mazar but finally read the article in the evening.
Caveats
Before I go much further, let me state I have never claimed to have a "library blog." I certainly do include stuff about library related issues. But I am much more than that.
I also want to state that I do not believe that blogs, anonymous or not, should be used to air rants about your coworkers or place of employment, or any other subject, that you would not say to their faces or in public generally. Nowhere in the following am I advocating such behavior.
This document is no longer as historically complete as it started out to be twelve or so days ago.
Professionalization
I do worry about this blog and how others, particularly those on a search committee, might perceive it, and me. And that upsets me. I am far from perfect; just like everyone else. Do I need to be professionalized? Sure, don’t we all? We are not born professionalized. Isn’t this a good time while I am in school? We certainly aren’t professionalized automatically just by being in school. I know, that is supposedly part of the process of graduate school. But, be serious. That may work well for those getting actual educations for the professorate, but what we do in LIS schools has very little to do with professionalization into libraries.
Blogging while I am in school should be a good place to work on professionalization. To think that it is something we just get right once we are in the company of fellow "professionals" is simply idiotic. Just as in learning anything else, one must make mistakes to really learn. Some "mistakes" are really so egregious that one is kept from the endeavor one is trying to learn or assimilate into. These, though, usually involve serious ethical lapses. If I make mistakes in judgment or other professional errors in this blog then in theory I have a whole community of professionals to point my mistakes out to me, so that I can learn from them, and thus become professionalized.
Those moments of learning should not be held against someone when they apply for a job.
Workplace Speech in the Library/Academia
It is very interesting that a profession that holds dear such ideas as the Freedom to Read should behave in such a manner. Academic freedom? Maybe. If you are lucky enough to already have tenure. Otherwise, no, there is none. Heck, we don’t even have freedom of speech in our workplaces. And our major professional organization doesn’t support it. OK, so it does now. Just don’t count on it coming to a library near you anytime soon if you didn’t already have it. I guarantee you that this can have a drastically negative impact on a library. I watched it in action, or should I say inaction, for six years.
See Workplace Speech at Library Dust. Let me add that I am not an absolutist regarding the freedom of speech clause in the Constitution. There most certainly are things we are not allowed to say, and many more that should not be said, whether in a workplace or not.
Yes, I do realize that I am conflating several things here. But the freedom to read, academic freedom, and workplace speech (particularly in the academy) are, or at least should be, highly related.
Legality of the use of information from blogs
Sad Commentaries at Library Dust.
Briefly stated, the column provided examples and attempted justification for the invasion of privacy and the use of improper information to influence the selection of candidates for employment. The author apparently didn’t know or care about privacy issues and standards involving persons who were not employees, the application of uniform hiring standards, adherence to federal and state statutes—little things like that.
Since most librarians work in the public sector, I will stick to that arena and say that the hiring process in public agencies is generally governed by a tight set of rules as to what information can be used about a candidate and how it can be obtained. Most states have applicable privacy laws, and of course there is always that overlooked bit of paper known as the Constitution.
It is especially important to remember that the issue here concerns private citizens who are applicants for employment rather than employees of the particular firm or agency. Because this is the case, they retain privacy and free-speech rights which might be lost to the control of the employer once they are hired.
Also: Blogs and Jobs at Pattern Recognition.
Yes, a Google search takes 2 minutes, and can provide you with a lot of publically accessible info on the person. But LOTS of public information isn’t allowed to be asked in an interview (for instance, whether the candidate is married is public information, in the form of a marriage license, but it is off limits for a job interview). What would the legal ramifications be if Job Applicant A was denied a position, discovered that it was partially due to a Google search (which happened to reveal his/her marital status) and sued the university on that grounds?
Blogs aren’t therapy?
Blogs shouldn’t be a form of therapy? Why the hell not?
<Self-Censored> — personal details removed.
For any of you who may, in fact, be mentally well, or at least have the audacity to believe yourselves so, please just remember:
- Not everyone has good mental health coverage, even if they have a job and health insurance.
- For those so blessed, coverage generally runs out very quickly. Just as one is making progress the system pulls the rug out from under you.
- Paying for such help out of pocket is out of the question for most.
- Assuming that as a student one is covered is a critically bad assumption.
- The VA is not an option for a multitude of reasons for many vets.
- Not everyone has a significant other or friends who are available to help one decompress as often as is needed. This leads to unhealthy, single-sided conversation with oneself.
</Self-Censored> — I seriously struggled with not letting this section go out as it was. We have a serious problem in our society with the issues of mental health. While it may be a running joke on late night TV, and a generic water cooler topic to some extent, the sales of anti-depressants and other mood elevators, to include to children, are at an all-time and ever increasing high, yet we do not seriously talk to each other about the issues in our society that cause and perpetuate the situation. Most people with any sort of mental health issue are still stigmatized by much of society—by the very society that causes it.
It is a subject that needs to be openly talked about and I am trying to do my part. But hashing and rehashing the issues over and over in my mind that the Chronicle blog article brought to the forefront has caused me to chicken out and self-censor myself. And that hurts. I feel like a sell-out and that I am betraying myself and several others with whom I have had these sorts of discussions. But it is much easier to have these sorts of conversations one-on-one or, at least, in a small group. To all of you and to myself, I am truly sorry. I cannot be the poster boy right now, even if I want to be. "I truly tried" is the best I can say. I wish you could see what I initially had written.
So, yes, I do use my blog as a form of therapy, although not necessarily intentionally. But if it serves that function in a society which still truly stigmatizes any form of "mental illness," while not providing proper services to those most in need, then so be it.
The Greeks took no easy problems. They put on the stage a world of unspeakable anguish, of matricide and fratricide and patricide, and then they refused to blink. They looked into the abyss of human life and human nature with open eyes and understood that the thing to do is to feel life as it is, in all its anguish as well as its aspirations, its missed opportunities and its savored beauties, never to falsify it, never to pretty it up; but rather to look at it bravely, unflinchingly. In the sheer steadiness and clarity and courage of that gaze will you achieve real understanding of the complexity of life; and from that come acceptance, grace, and enduring peace. The greatest blessing you can have in life is to live long enough to take it in.
Mee, Charles L. A Nearly Normal Life: A Memoir. New York: Little, Brown and Co., 1991, p. 214-215. [Thanks Michael for reviewing this book and pointing me to it.]
As a happily tenured (and therefore safe from such depredating opinions) author of a blog that has of late become, at least in part, a “therapeutic outlet,” one that no doubt reveals some odd things about the “dank, dark depths” of my “tormented soul,” and yet as a scholar whose research focus at the moment circles around questions of the potential literary value of such writing, I find myself, not to put too fine a point on it, seriously pissed off by the infuriating combination of condescension and authoritarianism on absolutely unedited display in this article.
From Bloggers Need Not Apply at Planned Obsolescence.
My blog is like a book that rarely leaves the shelf
Another reason that the ideas contained in the Chronicle article upset me is that something like six people read my blog. Yes, it is freely available on the web for anyone to access, but almost no one does! This makes me as about as important as that book in the library that has never circulated and was maybe taken off the shelf six times in its history to be flipped through for a few seconds. The only difference here is I can’t be weeded by someone else since I pay to be here, but my blog can certainly be ignored just like that book on the shelf.
But the real point is this: that the weblog is not in the public eye; it is not some electronic busker, banging away on a drum outside one’s window in the small hours. To read a weblog a person has to desire to; the act entails a series of conscious, positive actions, even more than would be required to read the content of a magazine. The weblog is a hidden thing that can only be uncovered by design and effort. Nobody has to read a weblog. In fact, most of them are hardly read by anybody. They are certainly not like billboards screaming from the roadside, nor as some have put it, like graffiti in a washroom. After all, everybody has to travel the public road, and use the public toilet occasionally, but nobody has to Google up Joe Blow’s weblog to read his delightful outlook on world affairs.
From Vile Weblogs! at Library Dust
Google searches
Another related issue is how someone might stumble over my blog. Google, and I assume many of the other search engines, does not do a good job indexing blogs. My blog has been returned by some of the strangest searches. For instance, I got found by a Google search on something to the effect of: why the Chinese people consider themselves to be a superier race. Yes, "superier" is misspelled here. It seems that somewhere on the monthly archive page which contains my Chinese watermelon sculpture post is a mistyped "superior," along with the others words in that string.
Now, I never addressed the topic that was searched, or even anything similar, but that is the kind of crap Google returns with keyword searches. Put quotes around that string to make it a phrase and I am nowhere in the search results, although there are thousands of hits that do use it.
It seems that Google is indexing pretty much everything on the page, to include anything in TypeLists, blogrolls, etc.—basically any text, not just the primary content.
So, what if someone on a search committee remembers stumbling over my blog previously because of some search that showed that I "wrote about" some topic that I never did in fact write about? Are they going to take the time to evaluate said results, or are they just going to assume that I did/do write about such things?
Opinions, ain’t no stinkin’ opinions here
The pertinent question for bloggers is simply, Why? What is the purpose of broadcasting one’s unfiltered thoughts to the whole wired world? It’s not hard to imagine legitimate, constructive applications for such a forum. But it’s also not hard to find examples of the worst kinds of uses.
A blog easily becomes a therapeutic outlet, a place to vent petty gripes and frustrations stemming from congested traffic, rude sales clerks, or unpleasant national news. It becomes an open diary or confessional booth, where inward thoughts are publicly aired.
From the Chronicle article
So. I’m not supposed to have an opinion about my son being sent to war? Those sorts of choices are pretty easy for someone who has rarely, if ever, given up their
own freedoms for those of their society, only to be told later that you
must still be "unfree."
This, then, is the ultimate reason that I get upset at the ideas espoused in the Chronicle article—my twenty plus years of service. If you have never served in the military then you may have no idea what I am talking about; certainly not at the existential level. Service members, while swearing an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States, actually give up quite a few of those same rights that they are pledging to give their lives in defense of for others. There are often good reasons for this requirement, but it is mostly about control—control of the individual, control of the group, and control of the image of the services.
After relinquishing these freedoms personally for so many years, so that others in my society could enjoy them while I served, and so that some day I too would be able to freely enjoy them myself, I find that I may not be able to. And that pisses me off!
But mostly, it just makes me very, very tired deep down in my existential core, in my soul if you like.