Off the Mark

I got to hang out with my daughter on Friday and then I went back over to my ex’s on Christmas day.   I’ve been having a problem with my back for a while now and it was really bothering me on Christmas Eve, but I hope to get a massage today.  And I hope that helps!

Monday I watched four movies, but only one was worth talking about and I don’t feel much like talking.  I guess I should say "writing," since that is really what I don’t feel like.  I have so many things on my list to write about and 4 or 5 already started but I’m just not in the mood.

All in all, it has been a good year for me.  I really can’t complain.  I know that I’ve made progress.  But I also often don’t care, or more importantly, don’t know or feel why it should matter.  All of my big fears are still "out there" somewhere, sometime.

Here are the gifts I got from my family:

Movies:

• Spirited Away - Mom

Music:

• the waifs - shelter me - Dad and family
• Marian McPartland’s Piano Jazz with Elvis Costello - Rachel (niece)
• Louis Armstrong - The complete RCA Victor recordings - Mom

Books:

• Boorstin, Daniel  J., Hidden History: Exploring Our Secret Past - Deb (sister)
• Rudacille, Deboarah, The Riddle of Gender: Science, Activism, and Transgender Rights - Deb (sister)
• Appiah, Kwame Anthony, The Ethics of Identity - Dad and family
• Hill, Janet Swan, ed., Education for Cataloging and the Organization of Information: Pitfalls and the Pendulum - Michael (brother-in-law)

Aren’t Amazon Wish Lists wonderful things?

But by far, the most important present I got this year is the love and concern of my friends, particularly those here and in Bloomington/Normal.  My family is heavily dispersed and I don’t hear from some of them very often.  I know that they love and care about me, but it is often difficult to feel.  But the look in someone’s eyes, the turn of a head, the timbre in a voice.  These are often small things, but they can mean so very much.

I think I’m going to a local party here in Urbana for New Years.  It’ll be my 1st New Years party in…?  Hell, I don’t know.  A very long time. 

I could also go to Danville to see my friend Eva Hunter who is playing a gig at some hotel and there’s a brunch the next day.  But I have no idea how much it is.  You have to actually contact the hotel for ticket/room details, and it is a couples package.  And do I really another expensive reminder that I’m not?

Heck, unless the weather is totally crappy, I can walk to Mary and Jenny’s party.

I guess I should get this posted, finish my 2nd breakfast, and see if I can get a massage appointment.  I have to return the movies anyway.

Well, here it is another day (Wed) and I haven’t posted this.  I did get an hour massage yesterday.  She had to spend the whole time on my back it was so screwed up.  I watched more movies yesterday and even one today.  I also finished 2 books yesterday, EffiBriest and The Myths We Live By.

Today I went and spent about 4 hours with my daughter.  I miss her so much.  I really wish she was closer so I could spend more time talking with her.  She is such a wise young woman, and she could really help me grow into the person I want to be.

Anyway, on one hand, I’m sorry for the lack of posting and substance.  I have a lot of stuff in the queue, and even more things picked out.  I’m just not in the mood to do any of them.  So on the other, I’m not sorry in the least.  I guess I’m taking an unintended blogging break whether I want to or not.

"Break" isn’t over until mid-Jan so hopefully I’ll catch the fire again and write some things of merit before then.

I hope everyone is enjoying themselves over these holidays and I wish you all a Happy New Year!  Whichever ones(s) you celebrate.