Heck, my birthday is still a few weeks away but I got nailed for $494.73 for glasses today.  And then to top it off, I got my life insurance bill in the mail.  Most of that is for one pair.  One.  About $50 is for the clip-on shades.  Stylish, but still clip-on!

Am I really getting that old?  Seems I’ve been having a hard time focusing at most any distance lately, and it has been about 5 years since I last got new glasses.  I did get them checked (at 2 different places) about 2 years ago, but I never filled that prescription.

Two years ago I went because I was having trouble refocusing in a timely manner.  Say I was reading a book and looked up to see the clock about 6 feet away, it took a few seconds to be able to refocus so I could read it, and then I’d look down at the book and have to wait again till I could focus on the book again.  Really kind of sucked eggs.

First guy at Pearl said I needed bifocals and he’d be happy to sell me these fancy progressive lenses, blah, blah for about $400/pair.  Aside: I have to have sunglasses after a long day spent at Arlington National Cemetery years ago without them.  Ever heard of being tombstone blinded?  Well I was and it was permanent.  Nope, nothing cheaper.

Second guy at a real eye clinic said, yeah you need bifocals, but unless you’re tripping over stuff don’t worry about it; come see me again when you start tripping.  That was my kind of doc.  I meant to get that one filled in single lens but never made it back.

See (or actually not),  I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wondered why they even have mirrors in the optometrist’s office for trying on frames.  Optometrist peeps, this is just glass in these frames and I can barely see my face.  Yes, I can see that I have glasses on and a vague shape, but can I really judge the style and whether they compliment my facial shape, or maybe the color?

So the last time I got new glasses I took a friend with me to pick out frames.  And of course it was a woman.  I’d be down with a guy if I had any close gay guy friends, but all my gay friends are really just acquaintances.  Well, the previous friend was unavailable and, truthfully, she weren’t no friend of mine anymore anyway.  I had a good friend willing to help but it just never worked out.

Today I had another great friend come and help.  I’m pretty sure we did OK on the style and color but I won’t know until they come in and have lenses in them.  And don’t worry Em, if I don’t like them it is still my fault entirely.  But I think we did better than OK.  Once the total was rang up, I told her these darn $500 specs had best land me a date or two.  Calm down ladies, I was only kidding.  I know, or at least would definitely hope, that it takes more than a classy pair of specs to land a date.  Learning to dress and shaving once in a while….

Yes, I went with the progressive lenses, despite the cost.  They’re going to take getting used to I have no doubt, but that crazy blurry line and make me look like an old guy look of the regular bifocals wasn’t doing it.  They weren’t that much cheaper anyway.

Now I just have to figure out how to protect the clip-on sunglasses when I’m carrying them around but not wearing them.  I’ve had a pair of each and just carried the ones I wasn’t wearing in a hard case that could go in a pocket (pants or jacket) or in the backpack.  Any suggestions?

Lots of cool hi-tech gadgets at the eye doctors nowadays though.  That stupid color blind test is still a dorky flip chart, and I (ahem) still suck at it.  Actually I think I may’ve done better than I used to, but there were at least 3 where I just said turn the page.  It sucks when you can’t even guess.

During the intake I had to fill out a computer use survey since I work with computers.  I either utterly failed it or completely maxed it out, or both at the same time.  Questions like: "How far is the monitor from your eyes?"  "Are your eyes at the center of the screen or above or below?"  "How far are your eyes from the keyboard?"  And lots more Group W type questions about my computer use.  If there were answers to circle, I circled everyone of them.  If it was write-in, then I wrote either "variable" or "highly variable."

I kindly explained to the slightly baffled doctor that I have 2 of my own computers, a desktop PC and a laptop that sit at different places on my desk.  Secondly, the laptop being a laptop it gets moved around, as in it is in my lap while my butt is in the recliner as I write this.  Then there’s work.  I use a minimum of 6 different computers at work.  If I am broadcasting a distance ed class (the majority of my hours) then I am using at least 2 computers at the same time, and for convenience sake I also use my laptop too.  That’s 3 computers all at the same time.  "All of the above" and "highly variable" is the best I can do, doc.

Maybe the $500 total is just payback for my truthful but smart-assed nature.

And I mean a real date, not a metadate.