I want to make very explicit my thoughts on the library I left.  The other night I made some comments related to managment and driving "techies" away in a personal anecdote.  Those comments cannot be allowed to stand by themselves.

I absolutely love that library, its people, and its patrons.  It flows through my veins, particles of its dust are exhaled in every one of my breaths, and my heart beats to its rhythms.  I honestly believe that will be true until all of those processes cease.

Some of my best friends and "family" members were, and in some cases still are, there.  The people who nurtured and encouraged my desire to become a librarian were/are there.  The people who gave me my wings and allowed me to soar and figure out how to contibute in my own way were/are there.  Same for the ones who encouraged a "lowly" staff member to submit a proposal for a conference and then willingly came to provide audience feedback as I prepared my presentation. 

A selected few faculty and staff members quite literally kept me alive through the darkest period of my life with their love, support, and caring.  My blood family cannot even begin to imagine the debt they owe these people who nurtured me on a daily basis for several years.

The patrons that I was able to help really taught me the beauty of service.  I already had an amazing service attitude from my jobs within the military, but that was primarily mission-related.  But to see the light bulbs go off and have that light shine forth from some undergraduate’s eyes "simply" because I had shown them the power of an index as a research tool.  To receive the gratitude of a faculty member because I had been able to facilitate the ordering of a book they needed.  Or to get an article up on e-reserves in a more than a timely manner, even though they had procrastinated for far too long and knew it.  To see an ancient emeriti faculty member light up because I addressed them by name, although they had left the university years before I arrived.  All of these and so many other things taught me the beauty of service.

Just when my son started college half a country away and I got divorced and lost daily (weekly…) contact with my high school daughter, the library gave me the opportunity to be a peer of many students the age of my children.  I, too, was an undergraduate and student worker and my hours working with these amazing "kids" was a most incredible opportunity.  I made so many friends and even picked up a few "family" members.  While I was never a "typical" undergraduate, my relationships with these kids allowed me to get so much closer to that experience.  This special nearness (of being a peer) allowed me to do much more active role-modeling and mentoring than pretty much any other adult could provide these students.  It was a privilege and an honor to serve with these amazing young adults.

And it now allows me to pretty much sneer at all the ridiculous gen-gens that I see proliferating in the library "literature," both in print and online.  Sure, some generalizations can be made.  But the people making them have spent no real time with them.  Anyway, enough of this; it is another post.

I served my patrons, my library, and my institution as a student worker, as a student supervisor, and as "paraprofessional" as a Library Technical Assistant for 6 years.  I had the keys to the building for most of that time.  While I was a student/supervisor, and a because I was a "townie", I worked almost every single holiday that the library was open.  Often it was the only thing open on campus on those holidays.  As a staff member, my hours got shifted so I could be there on Saturdays to ensure that the library opened on time in case our student supervisors didn’t make it in.  Even as a student supervisor, that often meant that I was the ranking campus representative on duty.  It was a privilege and honor that many either do not understand or take for granted.  Year in the military hones that sort of implicit knowledge of your institutional role.

Over the 6 years I was there, I opened and closed the library more than any other individual, hands down.  Its rhythms are my rhythms.  I emptied book drops when no one was supposed to be working because they had to be or the books just got left outside the drop once it was full.

I served for 2 1/2 years as a student representative to the University Library Committee, a Senate level appointment.  For most of that time I was the only student representative.  As a staff member, I served on 3 faculty search committees, one for my own boss.

I was nurtured, I was professionalized, I was mentored.  It was an incredible experience and a privilege to work with so many wonderful people at all levels, and to serve our patrons.  I will never forget it.

But then there was the other side.  Luckily, it only consists of a very limited set of people, but they are the ones at the top.  It was those very few who drove me and so many others away.  And they are still leaving; those who can anyway.

A short few months after I left, I was visiting (as I have done many times since) and another staff member (a definite techie), in the presence of several other staff members, told me, "Mark, thank you so much for giving me the courage to do what I must.  I’m finally leaving, too."  It tore my heart to pieces.  But I fully understood. 

There are still many wonderful people there.  They are my friends, my family, my mentors, my role models.  But many others have moved on, even though that is where they wanted to be.  If only things could be different.

This needed to be said.  Some people often act as if what another says is the definitive truth of the matter as to how the speaker/writer feels.  Life is never that simple people; it is incredibly complex.  Human communication does not allow for all the necessary nuancing that often should take place; not even the best means of communication does, but certainly not blogs.

I am proud to soon be entering the ranks of "professional" librarians and look forward to new and different experiences, but some of those past experiences that I cherish so much will never be repeated.  That is the price of becoming a "professional."  I said it before and will again, if I could have afforded to live I’d have happily stayed a staff member.  But I could not.  Now, please don’t misunderstand me (see the previous paragraph), money is not the only, nor primary, reason I made this move, and I am glad that I did.  But there are experiences and opportunities that I had and were available as a staff member that will not be as a "professional."  Certainly, there are other new and exciting ones that will become available.  It’s just a trade-off is all.  But I am certainly glad that I got the chance to serve in an academic library at all the levels I did; it can only inform my "professional" career in a positive way that most librarians cannot fully understand.

So no matter what I might say, please keep in mind that I love that library, its people and patrons with all of my being.

Oh, what I’d give to be able to open those doors just one more time….