I apologize for being so coy but I know no other useful way to let those folks who are geographically dispersed know that things are still up in the air for me.

Despite not having the words to adequately discuss it, I probably do not want (or shouldn’t) discuss it openly here. If I felt capable of discussing it then there are several people who read this who I would love to discuss it with. But probably not in this venue. Do not want any others to get the wrong impression.

As I said, I did not discuss it with my immediate family nor two good friends while in DC. This is not because I do not trust those folks; I do. It is because after I drop the possible what I have no resources to explain the why.

I can certainly say what my tentative decision is; I just cannot explain the why of it at all well. To others or myself.

Simply put, I am tired. Existentially, primarily.

There is a lot that goes into this and one by one the reasons would not add up to much for others. For me they add up to much more.

For those physically here, I may well discuss some of this (and already have anyway, if less explicitly) with you as my preferred means of communication is face-to-face. But, for now, I am in no “place” where I can, nor do I choose to, discuss it.

I must make much progress on one specific project before 11 Jan. If I do OK at that then the issue will become moot, at least for a while again. And that must be my goal!

Attaining that goal will not really fix any thing in my life but the burden will be eased for the moment.

This year is going to be a milestone year for me in many ways. And all of those (several) milestones have multiple ways of resolving themselves.

If I can manage to positively affect some of these immediately looming changes then, perhaps, I can begin to do so for some of the longer running issues, which many of you are, at least, aware of.

So Jen!! and Jacob, I apologize for not “spilling” but you both already know far more than you think you do regarding this. I know you both care about me and I do trust you, but this is neither the proper place, nor the proper time for me to go into detail.

And I won’t be there tonight to hear about it in person, so I’ll need to gather intelligence about this “thing” some other way.